The Medical System Wasn't Built for Us

Here’s something that has never sat right with me:

Women go through PMS, IVF, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, perimenopause, and menopause; each a full-body, mind-bending experience, and yet, most of the research, legislation and treatment protocols have been designed by men who wouldn’t last five minutes with menstrual cramps.

And what are we told? Just “deal with it.”

I learned this the hard way.

When I had my mental health crisis, it felt like a tidal wave hit me out of nowhere. Anxiety, depression, rage, bone-deep loneliness. It all came crashing in fast. It got so bad that I checked myself into treatment in Thailand because I genuinely didn’t know how else to survive.

Guess what no one mentioned? Hormones.

Not one doctor asked about them.

Not one therapist suggested that maybe, just maybe, my body might be “changing”.

It wasn’t until I was sitting there, sweaty and spiraling, that a peer helped me see: this wasn’t just depression or burnout. This was a full hormonal coup d’état. Perimenopause had come crashing into every cell of my being, hijacking my mood, my sleep, my sanity. But by then, I’d already broken. I’d already been dismissed, labeled, medicated.

And I am not alone.

So many women get misdiagnosed, told to “relax,” or handed a prescription and a condescending head tilt. Meanwhile, our entire bodies are on fire. Our brains are wrapped in fog. Our emotions swing harder than a toddler on a Trick-or-Treating sugar high.

But somehow, our suffering is normalized. Because the system wasn’t designed to understand us. It was designed to treat male bodies as the default and label women’s pain as “hysteria."

Let’s talk double standards, shall we?

A man loses interest in sex or struggles with performance? It’s a medical emergency. Sirens wail. Research dollars flood in. Enter the little blue pill.

A woman’s libido vanishes? Her brain short-circuits? Her body feels like it’s been swapped for a haunted rental? She’s told to “try yoga” and “cut down on caffeine.”

Let me say it louder: A limp penis gets more funding and sympathy than a woman’s unraveling nervous system.

How is that okay?

We’re expected to keep functioning: parenting, working, smiling; while our hormones take us hostage. Meanwhile, we get a pamphlet at best.

But here’s the thing: this isn’t just unfair, it’s dangerous.

We deserve to be seen. Fully. Holistically. Not just when we’re bleeding, birthing, or breaking down, but in every weird, messy in-between moment that makes us human. We deserve doctors who ask better questions, who see beyond the surface, who understand that mind and body are not separate planets.

And we deserve to stop suffering in silence.

All women with ovaries will inevitably experience years of perplexing symptoms, such as weight gain, hair loss, insomnia, anxiety, depression, hot flashes, night sweats, brain fog, and heavy periods.

Luckily, this parade of misery often coincides with an already inconvenient and perplexing time, such as raising teenagers, the emptying of the family nest, or the midlife acceleration of a stressful career. And, yes, those are stressful life transitions, but why are woman consistently caught off guard by the unavoidable hormonal shift?

When are doctors and medicine finally going to catch up? Prepare us? Help us? Listen?

If you’re reading this and see yourself in it, whether you’re in the middle of the storm or clawing your way out, you’re not crazy. You’re not broken. You’re not alone.

Talk about it. With your friends. Your mother. Your daughter. Your partner. Your actual, hopefully not-idiot doctor. And if they don’t listen? Find one who does.

Say the words: perimenopause, irritability, weight gain, libido, depression, anxiety, tinnitus, muscle pain, acne, insomnia, brain fog, urinary urgency, night sweats, hair loss, itchiness, heart palpitations, UTI’s, hot flashes, irregular periods. Name them all.

Because when we stop whispering and start demanding answers, the shame starts to lose its grip. The silence starts to crumble. And the system? It has no choice but to change.