Mentally Stable-ish: The Musical

Mentally Stable-ish^TM: The Musical

A Hormonal Jukebox Journey - Featuring Chaos, Caffeine, and Cougar Puberty

Morning: Air, Err, Heir

The curtain rises on a dimly lit kitchen. I’m in a robe that’s seen things, holding a mug like it’s life support. Harry Connick Jr.’s “I Could Write a Book” plays softly in my head while I try to remember what I was just telling myself to write about next.

Suddenly Billie Eilish’s “Bellyache” takes over, and I’m staring into my coffee cup wondering when my GI system’s warranty expired.

By the time my kids stumble downstairs, the playlist has skipped to Bad Bunny’s “Tití Me Preguntó” because nothing says “school morning vibes” like my sassy teentards.

As my teens head off at school, muttering “We don’t need no education” while I remind them to study for Algebra, I'm left lip-syncing “Another Brick in the Wall” (Pink Floyd).

The drive to work has me blaring "Sanity" by Paramore, contemplating all the fun tricks peri has planned for me today.

Afternoon: Mood Swing Medley

The midday set opens with "Hold On" by Adele, my go-to song for making it through each day without sobbing into my salad.

Between emails and hot flashes, The XX’s “Intro” becomes my productivity anthem - haunting, minimalist, the soundtrack to me staring blankly at spreadsheets wondering when I lost the plot.

By 2 p.m., Lauryn Hill’s “Doo Wop (That Thing)” takes over while I side-eye my own reflection and whisper, “Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem.” Spoiler: I’m both.

Come 3 p.m., the estrogen crash hits, and Coldplay’s “Fix You” plays while I open a bag of chips and contemplate my life choices.

Evening: Wine, Whine, Repeat

The lights are low, my bra’s abandoned on the floor, the kids are at war over who's turn it is to empty the garbage, the dogs are silently judging, and I’m somewhere between Omah Lay’s “soso” (because I’m still trying) and Teddy Swims’ “Lose Control” (because I’m just done).

Dinner prep kicks off with “Hi Ren” by Ren - because psychosis is a hardy seasoning - and transitions seamlessly into “Hot in Herre” by Nelly as I fan myself with a potholder.

Somewhere between sauté and surrender, Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story” starts, and I start narrating my night like a cautionary tale. “Gather ‘round, kids, and I’ll tell you how Mom once thought she could balance hormones and dinner.”

The evening crescendos with Rudimental’s “Dancing is Healing” - because I am, in fact, dancing… while stirring pasta… and pretending it’s curative cardio.

Goodnight:  The Power Ballad of Perimenopause

House quiet. Heart loud.

Andrea Bocelli’s “Con Te Partirò” swells softly as I fold laundry that’s been in the dryer for 48 hours. I’m dramatically lip-syncing in my pajama pants like a woman auditioning for Italian Idol.

Then, as I crawl into bed and scroll aimlessly through my phone, Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence” hits - and for a brief, holy moment, I feel peace.

But not for long. Because my brain has decided that 2 a.m. is the perfect time for anxiety’s national anthem “Lose Yourself” by Eminem.

The curtain closes on me whisper-singing U2’s “With or Without You” to my estrogen levels, which left without warning sometime in 2023.

Finale:

"Mentally Stable-ish^TM - The Musical", is the bzah mash-up of every song I've ever loved, remixed by perimenopause, scored by chaos, and performed live, in my head, every damn day.