Midlife Situationships in the 5G Era

Once upon a time, in our youth, things were simpler. You liked someone, they liked you back, and the worst thing you had to worry about was whether they still live with their mom. Now? In midlife? Welcome to dorting - the not-so-sacred space between dating and courting, texting and talking, sliding into your DMs and actually showing up with pants on.

Dorting is what happens when you're kind of interested, mostly confused, and entirely exhausted.

It’s the romantic purgatory where no one wants to define anything - but everyone wants validation. You exchange memes, vague compliments, and just enough flirty banter to avoid admitting you’re both too tired to date but too lonely to stop.

You might be dorting if:

• You’ve been “talking” for six weeks, but haven’t talked about actually meeting.

• You share playlists but not calendars.

• You say “Good morning ☀️” and “Good night 😴” like you’re in a relationship - but you’ve never seen each other’s knees.

• They know your favorite snack and trauma pattern, but not your last name.

Unlike Gen Z, who can emotionally commit to someone because they both like the same iced coffee order, midlife dating - or dorting - is more like:

“I’d love to see you sometime!”

“Sure! Let me check my availability between work, Uber, therapy and hormone rage.”

Spoiler: You never check.

You’ve reached peak dort when:

• You’ve had the same “we should meet up soon” conversation six times.

• They react to your stories but don’t respond to your texts.

• You’re more emotionally invested in their dog than them.

• You suddenly realize you’re just pen pals with sexual tension.

Truth be told, I’ll probably continue dorting anyway.

Partly because I’m hopeful.

Mostly because connection feels good - even if it’s completely hypothetical.

But truthfully, because it’s safer than rejection, less hassle than real dating, and still counts as social interaction when my therapist asks if I’ve tried putting myself out there.

Dorting is low-commitment intimacy with no real risk. It’s emotional window shopping. It’s dating with a return policy.

I’ve been dorted. I’ve initiated dorting. I’ve been stuck in the dort zone, growing digital feelings for someone who may or may not be a hologram with an iPhone. I once emotionally bonded with a man over our mutual hatred of voicemail - and then ghosted each other simultaneously like it was an Olympic sport.

Midlife situationships are weird. We’re wounded but wiser, tired but curious, lonely but skeptical. Dorting is just the modern mating call of people who aren’t sure if they’re ready to trust anyone - but would still like someone to tell them they look hot in their new glasses.

So, to all my fellow dorters out there:

May your thumbs stay nimble, your expectations stay low, and may someone eventually text you back and show up.