Fear Is a Bad Boss

They say the problem with fear is that it’s an unreliable master. Its power is only relative to proximity. The further you get from the thing you fear, the less it controls you.

Which is poetic… but menopause, motherhood, and midlife all have this charming habit of shoving your fears right up in your face before you’ve had coffee.

In my twenties, I feared things like not being liked, gaining five pounds, and whether my eyeliner wings matched.

In my thirties, they got more concrete: money, marriage, motherhood, doing too much, not doing enough.

Now in midlife, my fears have multiplied and diversified. Will my body ever stop fluctuating between hot flashes and freezing? Am I raising decent humans? How will I survive retirement if my 401(k) currently looks like a joke? And will I ever remember where I put my phone?

Menopause and perimenopause are perfect breeding grounds for fear. Your body is changing, your emotions are all over the map, and you’re learning that some fears aren’t just in your head, they’re in your mirror, your lab results, and your daily to-do list.

Motherhood makes it worse: every stage of your kid’s life comes with a new list of things to panic about. When they’re little, it’s choking hazards and fevers. When they’re teens, it’s driving, parties, and whether they’ve blocked you on Instagram. You’re constantly worrying about your kids’ safety, choices, and happiness, all while trying not to pass on your own anxieties.

But here’s the thing: when you create distance from those fears, even small, intentional steps - they shrink.

Book the mammogram. It’s less scary in the gown than in your imagination.

Have the talk with your teen. You can’t possibly be more awkward than they are.

Block the toxic friend. If she asks why, tell her it’s “perimenopause brain” and then ghost her.

Fear loses its teeth the second you stop letting it breathe down your neck.

One of the surprising perks of midlife is that you’ve already survived so many “worst case scenarios” that your fear threshold starts to shift. You realize you’ve handled things you never thought you could. You start to trust your own resilience.

Fear will still show up... menopause, motherhood, and midlife make sure of that. But the trick is knowing you can choose how close you stand to it. And sometimes, just taking one step back is enough to remind you: You’re the boss here.